A Day in the Life of Lussuria
by stephfarrow94
Summary: A collection of one-shots revolving around Lussuria. May range from canon to AU. Humour. Will also take chapter requests.


**This is basically just going to be a collection of one-shots revolving around Lussuria. They may range from canon to AU, and I'll even take requests. If there's anything anyone wants to see, leave a review and I'll do it for you. **

Out of all the Varia, Lussuria was probably the one treated with the least amount of respect – or, that would be true if Leviathan weren't there to take that role. Lussuria just happened to be a _tad _more likeable than the Xanxus-obssessed walking pincushion.

Lussuria had never really been able to figure out why he wasn't exactly one of the better-appreciated members. Sometimes he had thought it might be because he didn't have sexy white boots like Belphegor did. Maybe it was because his hair wasn't as pretty as Squalo's – though to be honest, Lussuria was fond of his green part. Obviously he wasn't the boss of the strongest assassination squad within the Mafia; could that be a reason?

Never able to come up with an explanation, Lussuria went shopping, like he always did whenever he was stressed. His favourite haunts were lingerie and shoe shops, and he spent so much time there, he was on a first-name basis with the staff, and looking at his array of shoes that were stacked on shoe rack upon shoe rack – which took up an entire _wall, _just a mountain of shoe racks – Lussuria knew you could never have too many shoes – especially when there was a certain Storm Guardian who often snuck in of a night and stole peoples' shoes to use as target practise, along with the many Varia grunts who were reserved for _moving _target practise.

Walking throughout the Varia Headquarters could be considered a sport among many; you had to dodge a running Belphegor and his knives and the consequent Squalo who charged after him waving his sword in the air and screaming death threats. Sometimes you could be walking along a corridor and out of nowhere the wall would explode, courtesy of someone interrupting Xanxus when he was eating or sleeping – which was _a lot _of the time. The scariest one was when you were walking past Levi's room and either heard him sobbing about how Xanxus would never love him, or moaning said boss' name. No one could decide which one they'd rather hear as they passed his room, which had eventually led to Xanxus kicking his stalker out of the building and leaving him locked out for the nights. Even in snow. No... _especially _in snow. Not that it snowed much in Italy. But still!

While successfully having avoided the danger that living with a bunch of insane murderers brought, Lussuria eventually made it out into the garage where his hot pink convertible awaited him, dints, scratches and all. Lussuria wasn't the best of drivers, considering his profession.

After half-an-hour of avoiding any – serious – car crashes, Lussuria had parked his car haphazardly against the curb, the back of it hanging out of the lines which would undoubtedly cause some stress between every other motorist trying to avoid it and the cars around them.

Walking into the shoe store, Lussuria greeted the shop attendants cheerfully before he passed them and made his way over to the wall of shoes that awaited his careful inspection. Though Lussuria wanted every shoe he looked at, he also didn't want to be shot – again – for going over his budget.

And then, Lussuria saw them. He saw the perfect set of shoes he had ever seen. All the way on the other side of the store. Which had a woman walking over to them with a curious expression on her face.

Needless to say, Lussuria panicked.

"Excuse me!" Lussuria sprinted over to the woman and _his _shoes, hoping she would understand that it was love at first sight between him and the shoes. "Ma'am, I would like to buy those shoes."

The woman blinked before she sneered. "Faggot." Reaching out, she pulled the shoes into her arms and started walking away.

Lussuria couldn't have that. He _couldn't_. Grabbing the nearest shoe, he threw it as hard as he could into the back of the woman's head, resulting in a yelp and _his _shoes being dropped to the ground.

The Varia Sun _dove _to the ground to get those shoes, but he couldn't get to his feet fast enough to avoid the woman's handbag which felt as if there was a baby elephant in that thing as it hit him in the face.

And that was it. The damage had been done. Lussuria's face was the very _definition _of perfection – in his eyes. ...Or sunglasses... – and now it probably looked as if it had been on a date with a brick wall.

"Aww, _hell _no!" Lussuria jumped to his feet, grabbing the woman's handbag. He pulled it from her grasp and threw it away, only to be met with a fist in the face instead.

Well, if this woman wanted a fight, she had one; Lussuria wasn't going to back down until those shoes were _his_.

_**~~XX~~**_

"Luss-nee, what happened to your face?"

Five sets of eyes and a giant creepy robot stared at Lussuria as the man trudged into the living room of the Varia Headquarters, his face bloodied and bruised, a sullen expression on the otherwise perky man.

Lussuria just sighed dramatically before he pulled a giant flip-top mirror from his pocket. He took note of the damage before he turned back to the boy who had asked him the question.

"Well, Bel-chan," Lussuria begun, "when a man and a pair of shoes love each other very much..."

Beneath blond bangs, Belphegor's eyes widened as he sprung to his feet. He shook his head, taking a few steps back. "The prince doesn't need this talk!"

Squalo, Xanxus, Leviathan and Mammon watched as Belphegor ran from the room as if Satan himself was after him. They heard him crash into something seconds later, a loud thump that was presumably the sixteen-year-old falling to the ground, before his footsteps could be heard again.

"I was just going to tell him that Mama Luss got into a fight over shoes..." Lussuria shook his in a resigned manner before he started moving, returning back to his bedroom to redo his - ahem – face of perfection in makeup.

Well, Lussuria may never figure out why was treated as low as Levi, but at least he knew one thing; he was the beauty of the Varia, and that would never change. At least that was what he thought, anyway. Even if he _did _lose to a woman in a fight over shoes.


End file.
